Krystians life in Britain

The whole idea of restricting or maybe even quitting alcohol, cigarettes etc is to mobilize me and give me motivation. I now understood how much time I used to spend on entertainment. Problem with living only with entertainment is that the more you use something the less effect it gives. Hopefully, my plan will work and I'll manage to work through whole week and improve myself in every evening and only take my drug in friday evening, to continue working on myself on weekend.
Today I'm filling english literacy tests and maybe later on I'll read on tarot. I noticed that if i completely concentrate on something I don't get suicide-like thoughts nor I feel depression. So, it's quite a positive experience.

Hmm, today, maybe yesterday I finally understood how to separate my being from feelings.
It's so simple, but somehow I needed to experience it through a trance of sadness.
"me" or "I" that part of my mind, is not feelings, feelings surround it, they are AROUND it not INSIDE. Whether it's sadness, happiness, fear, those all feelings only surround my soul (?), my mind (?), so why should I even care about them? or pay attention to them? They are gonna vanish, or mutate into other ones, thats so simple, they are like clouds on the sky, they come and go.
Now I understood that feelings won't be in my way any more, in my way of achieving the Great Work.

yeah, i have to write it now as fast as i can so i wont use punctuation etc,

Thing is, i just though that i got into a calm state of mind in which i can be like a rock, not moved by anything, but now i understand its fake! its a lie, to get me sleep, to make me feel confortable so i lower my guard and get into same thinking pattern as before, wonder if i can oppose this clever weapon on my enemy.

Labels: asceticism, calm, control, great work, mind, peace, restriction, soul, thoughts

Posted by Sunlust at 01:57 | Permalink | Comments

So here I am, I started this blog to post my thoughts on different topics and not have to copy all of them from my Diary on computer, but just to have it all here, in one place so all interested people, and people who I want to get help from can access this easier.

From today morning ((when I wrote this it was 14th of april) I quit: smoking cigarettes, drinking alcohol, smoking weed, watching movies etc, playing games on computer, generally speaking I decided to try the ascetic way.

"Be strong, o man! lust, enjoy all things of sense and rapture: fear not that any God shall deny thee for this." AL II:22

For the past half a year I was living in UK, working through temp. agency, drinking or smoking weed almost every day, playing games, watching tv, chilling out basicly. 11 days ago I went to Poland, my home country and had the time of my life, I drunk a lot, took drugs, spent almost every day with a girl I enjoy beying with. After this time and lots of talking with my friends I decided that it's time to get my life straight and to come back on spiritual path.

I'm not very good at writing blogs and diarys, but I'll try my best to describe what I'm going through and what's going in my head, and hopefuly I'll help some people with those little stories of mine.

At the moment my biggest problem is to find something that I should improve in and do as a job.
I know... for a person that considers himself as a spiritual being its quite a basic thing.

Anyway, today I bought a book: "An introduction to The Golden Dawn Tarot" by Robert Wang. I'm satisfied and I started to study it straight away. Reading it helps me to improve my english (which I always enjoy) as well as repeat some basic information about whole Magick.

Damn, it happened again, each time I start a diary or a blog I loose interest in it and I don't know what to write.
Well, I gonna leave it as it is then for today, and tomorrow write something new.

Sunlust.

Love is the Law, love under Will.

Labels: foreign, life, my-life, start, thoughts

Posted by Sunlust at 01:03 | Permalink | Comments